coffee

Here goes my advanced blog about honeymoon period.

For additional info, u might so call this period as "infatuation phase".

so as i mentioned on my previous blog, again i will remind u, almost every newlydates couple would experience this phase (unless u date this guy/girl not bcos u have feelings for them, whoaaa.. hidden agenda).

Question is, could we maintain the heat to stay AFTER the honeymoon period is over?

its quite a difficult thing to do, but not impossible, well, almost though

We might not be able to remember the beginning and the cause of all the feud in our relationship, whereas if we reminisced the first 6 months of our relationship (which is not so long ago), everything seemed to be very smooth sailing.

let me give u several cases, then u decide how would u react under those

circumstances.

Ur bf/gf went out for clubbing (or pool) with his/her friends. He/she get drunk and wasted, and so she couldn’t contact u all night long, but at 4 am in the morning he/she finally called and said that he/she was sorry. FYI this was the first time it ever happen and your partner wasn’t the type of party-animal-clubbing-twiceaweek kinda gal/guy.

Once we got through the infatuation phase, big chance (but not definite) we would find it irritating.

So the ACTUAL question is, "How to Overcome Ourselves from Feeling Irked to Our Partner? "

So then, bfore I tell u how to, Here is why we would get so easily irritated,

During every relationships, one would have certain EXPECTATIONS towards their partner. Usually, during the honeymoon period, the level of expectations wouldn’t be very high, coz one still try to get to know the real character of his/her partner. but at this rate, the level of TOLERANCES are at zenith position, for one still being in the prudish (ja-im) state of mind, and this is the very reason we can always excuse and forgive our partner’s inadequacies.

After the honeymoon period is over, the level of EXPECTATIONS is increasing (or perhaps stays the same, anyhow decreasing is not a probable option), whilst on the contrary our level of TOLERANCES is decreasing, caused by both parties of the couple had already known most of the character of his/her partner, and wasn’t being prudish anymore. This would definitely caused strifes which would never happened when our level of tolerances was still high.

Back to the real question then,

How to keep our level of expectations and tolerances in balance so the heat of romances stays on fire?

My elder sister used to date her bf for almost 11 years before they finally got married. Their first six years of relationship facing a very challenging long distance situation. After that, they still have to overcome several complicated matters and finally got married at 2004. u might ask me how the hell they maintained their relationship in such a long period like that? Same question I had been asking her back then *nodding enthusiastically*

Her answer is quite simple,

“You have to be able to treat and consider ur bf not just as ur bf but most importantly as ur bestfriend too”

But when I asked her why, she couldn’t give me an answer. So, I tried to analyze it by myself.

Wad would we do when we had an appointment with our bestfriend but then she cancelled it for another not-so-important issue. We might just laughed and said, “that’s okay, we’ll do it sum other time, k?”

We might not react the same way when it comes to our partner who cancels the appointment. At least we wouldn’t let him/her got away so easily like that.

These things happens bcos our level of expectation and tolerance are different toward our bestfriend and our partner.

Somehow, we have lower expectations when it’s concerning our bestfriend, moreover, our tolerances are very high towards them.

ON THE CONTRARY, like I said before ( im sorry for meandering a lot in this blog, cudn’t help it >.<’ ) after the honeymoon period is over, our expectations which was low before, becomes very HIGH. Terrible thing is our tolerances for our partner goes to another direction which is decreasing to a very low level.

The conclusion is, in order to stay in a honeymoon period situation even when we had passed the first 6 month of our relationship, we should be able to lower our expectations level while increasing the tolerances level. HOWEVER, it’s near to impossible to do that (as in lowering the level of expectation). If we know that we cudn’t avoid the increment of the expectation level, the simplest solution is just to let it be, but keep in mind that it is okay to have a high expectations on our partner, but the most important thing is no matter high your expectations are always maintain your level of tolerances so that it is always higher than your level of expectations.

Gd luck *grin* =D

P.S. for my baby, thx for being so sweet all these times during and even after our honeymoon period. Luv ya so much!!

ko-hii

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